Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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