So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
