Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
