you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
