i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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