If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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