It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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