I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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