you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Randomize
