Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
