Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
