Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
another moral hangover. fuck.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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