he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
vagina is talking i cant
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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