This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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