the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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