Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
