so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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