I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize