Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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