YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
