i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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