We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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