By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
