hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
