Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Im part way to drunk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize