you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
