if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have feelings that need drinking.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
