I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
