Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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