apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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