Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
