How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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