You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
