So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
