it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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