Having a random hookup so left but love u
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
