i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
