SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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