One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
