yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
