Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
