I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
