Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
