I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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