idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
