ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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