You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
