They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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