At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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