i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
