just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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