Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
