walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
