i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
