Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
