I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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