i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I love you.
Bad choice
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