absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
