Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
