It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
