So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
