You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
