just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
