you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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