don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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