If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
