mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
