They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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